love how bus drivers give each other that little wave or nod when their buses pass like they’re in a secret bus driver club who are actually on a way more important mission than what seems, they’re actually out preventing public mayhem and evil villains on fake nuclear buses.
I wish I could pay a demon to possess me once a day and give me a hard two hour cardio workout like damn
- Period: WAKE UP ASSHOLE, YOU GOT CRAMPS.
- Period: How bout an entire chocolate cake for breakfast?
- Period: How's that back pain? Feeling better? Let's fix that.
- Period: Find a cookie as big as a house and eat it.
- Period: Where's your Tic Tac box filled with ibuprofen?
- Period: Got things to do? Don't care. Sleep.
- Period: For dinner you're eating an entire bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
- Period: Breeze blows by. Instantly horny.
- Period: You didn't like those brand new underwear right?
- Period: Yell at a puppy.
when my bra matches my underwear i really feel like i have my life together
this guy I know is drunk messaging me and I’m just giving him really vague answers to everything he says and now he’s getting all philosophical about porn with me and it’s making no sense.